I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
