Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
