You're earring is so big in my mouth
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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