i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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