'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
