My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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