I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize