He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
