Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
