last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
