I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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