check it out our google latitudes are spooning
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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