Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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