I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
