Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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