Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize