when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
