oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
