You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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