it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
