Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
