If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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