I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
