I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
