I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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