You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize