I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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