He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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