Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
