Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wish you could order shots online.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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