Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
