Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
