if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
