Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize