Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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