I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
