I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
