She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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