She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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