Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
