Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
