Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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