dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
