2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
