Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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