this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
