I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
