I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
