I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
