Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You had me at "let me see your balls"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I want a musical about memes.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
