Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
