Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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