why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This is classic penis vs brain.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
