Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
