"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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