My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
