return my video game
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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