So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
