Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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