I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
