we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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