is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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