I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
