God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
