I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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