yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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