somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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