Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
