No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
