I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
