I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
