I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
