barbara walters just said penis...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
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