Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
