He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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