Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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