Please, let me fuck your mom
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
