Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
