genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
