Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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