11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
