Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
