plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
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