The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
