ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
